Damn, I have a headache now.
And I feel kind bad.
Lately a lot of new things has passed throughout y system.
I was very surprised to see my reaction to a guy I have been admiring for a really long time now.
I have been talking to him online for a while and from very early on I could see that he was an admirable person. He really was different than all guys I've talked to so far, he stood out. After getting to know him better I realized that he was my dream man, YES, I am serious, the man I have dreamed of always. He is awesome, gentle, sweet, intelligent, sexy, handsome, sensual, compassionate, he has it all, this is how I felt.
...and I talked to him every week. But then suddenly he was offline for a while and came back, and I saw him differently. I don't know if anything had happened, if I had changed, if he had changed or if just the distance made me see him clear, I don't know.
But suddenly I had NO IDEA who this man was. This is how I felt.
And I also was wondering about him. He looked so different. He didn't look warm, he looked nearly cold and tired. He looked shut of emotionally. I was surprised.
Was this the guy I had looked upon as my dream-man? Where had it all gone? Had I just been rolling around in my illusions again?
I was so disappointed, because I had been so glad while he had "been" there. I had never wanted more from him than him just being in the world (He has a gf) but suddenly I released that he might have been a creation of my mind.
I hope that is not the fact.
I dont want to loose my dream.