Tuesday, August 23, 2005

MADMADMADMADMAD

I am sooo mad
I am angryyyy
at the world, at silly people, at assholes, at dumb people, at people who don't get me
they don't get me
who gets me? Does anybody get anybody at all???? It doesn't seem like it. we just run around in our selfish little bubbles seeing what we want to see.
I guess I do it to
so I am mad at myself too then

and this fucked up world

why was it made like this???
who decided
its like 1 out of 1000000000000000000000000 possible societies
and we ended up like narcissistic assholes, who basically aree just driven by ego.
damn!!!!!!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Dream-man lost

Damn, I have a headache now.
And I feel kind bad.
Lately a lot of new things has passed throughout y system.
I was very surprised to see my reaction to a guy I have been admiring for a really long time now.
I have been talking to him online for a while and from very early on I could see that he was an admirable person. He really was different than all guys I've talked to so far, he stood out. After getting to know him better I realized that he was my dream man, YES, I am serious, the man I have dreamed of always. He is awesome, gentle, sweet, intelligent, sexy, handsome, sensual, compassionate, he has it all, this is how I felt.

...and I talked to him every week. But then suddenly he was offline for a while and came back, and I saw him differently. I don't know if anything had happened, if I had changed, if he had changed or if just the distance made me see him clear, I don't know.
But suddenly I had NO IDEA who this man was. This is how I felt.
And I also was wondering about him. He looked so different. He didn't look warm, he looked nearly cold and tired. He looked shut of emotionally. I was surprised.
Was this the guy I had looked upon as my dream-man? Where had it all gone? Had I just been rolling around in my illusions again?

I was so disappointed, because I had been so glad while he had "been" there. I had never wanted more from him than him just being in the world (He has a gf) but suddenly I released that he might have been a creation of my mind.
I hope that is not the fact.
I dont want to loose my dream.

Sheep behaviour

ARRRRGHHH!!! People in this town disgust me. They are just mindless and stupid. You see them Saturday night, drunk and showing off how small their brainsize really is. It makes me so annoyed and so angry. Why is the world filled up with these kind of people? I thought there at least would be some level of personal growth in the society nowadays considering that we do actually have a pretty well developed society with a lot of opportunities to see things and learn things. But some people seem to have stagnated at the gar of 15 when all they wanted was to get pissing drunk and show off in from t of their friends.
I am moving out of this country ass soon as possible, yearning and hoping that it will be better where I came, but I have the feeling I shouldn't expect too much